From the Frontlines: Mingling with Gen Z

When I decided that I would take my time “between jobs” to pivot my entire life, I needed an outlet to try out new things. This required finding a place where I knew no one, and I was a stranger to all. I would experiment with ideas to see what stuck, without the shame of public embarrassment.

I joined TikTok.

I know, I know. If you’ve never been on, it is exactly what you’ve feared: a chaotic world that bounces between polished dance videos, selfie videos talking about nothing, AI garbage, size 0 SAHMs (stay-at-home-moms) hawking cleaning products—and experts sharing really interesting information right to your personal phone. You really can “scroll” for hours. (I don’t.)

At first, I felt ancient.

But I somehow (through the magic of the TikTok algorithm of which no one wants to peek behind the curtain), soon landed in the world of BookTok, the TikTok subset of writers of all ages. Most are peddling their self-published fantasy novels, but others are like me: avid readers. They want to know what you’re (yup) reading, but also what you’re writing/thinking/planning. They’re curious, smart and have a lot to say.

Then I met Gabriella. She asked if anyone wanted to “Go Live” with her, and I raised my digital hand. “Gabi and Abby”—so cute that it seemed like a sign. Going Live is when you commit to being online for 30 minutes or more, and it’s terrifying. What if no one comes into “your room”? What if you’re left just sitting there, awkwardly? I knew that partnering with someone was the only way I would ever do it.

So I said, “yes.”

I knew she was young, but I would soon find out that she just graduated from college. In a promo video for our Live, she effortlessly called me “they/them.” I started; I blushed. What?! But she hadn’t asked my pronouns and that is just what you do now, I guess. Already, I felt like I was aging backwards. (I see you, JLo!)

We signed online to host our Live, one of us ridiculously nervous and trying to look perfect under a ring light while shuffling notes with talking prompts printed out beforehand. And the other? Giggling, off the cuff, fearless. She asked if I “knew” Wicked. (I read the book before she was born.) And off we went.

Here’s a wide-ranging list of things I learned during my intimate, 60-minute (!) brush with Gen Z:

• Potential embarrassment doesn’t kill you. We made some crucial mistakes and it wasn’t perfect. But I didn’t die. Instead, I got out of my comfort zone and had a really great experience. Just saying “yes” really is key to midlife change. Be fearless like the 22-year-old you.

• Gen Z cares about the wisdom us old folks have. My perception of the younger set is often that they want everything Right Now and don’t value experience. But when I was giving feedback on her book characters, Gabi listened intently and fed my ego—I mean, was really interested. Plus, that was when we got the most engagement from listeners.

• Women are still being raised to be “humble” while men are pumped up to be “successful.” My hope that the newer generation would take care of this issue was dashed—Gabi talked at length about her fears of speaking up while watching the guys in her classes receive praise for mediocrity after speaking in class. Nothing was said with bitterness, but it became very clear to me: We all must work to change the way society views us ladies. Let’s start by not having every protagonist in children’s adventure books be a boy, k?

• Hope is not lost. Back to the pronouns. It drives me nuts that we haven’t come up with a separate (and grammatically correct) word for “gender-neutral.” (Other languages have done this.) So to my absolute surprise, being called “they/them” was a thrill. There is so much rage about pronouns in the media that people think it is taking up all of this space in voters’ brains leaving no room for the economy, etc. But according to my one-person focus group, it’s not really a touchpoint for the kids coming up. Let’s be more like them: do the thing, and move on. It doesn’t have to be this exhausting, polarizing lighting rod.

Since my experience with my new fearless friend Gabi, I’ve connected with more strangers of all ages on TikTok. It’s amazing what you can learn from inter-generational relationships.

Got an idea for a post on here or TikTok, or something I should do IRL (in real life)? Let me know! Because I just might say “yes.”